“Self-control is strength. Right thought is mastery. Calmness is power.” – James Allen
Have you ever been hijacked?
If your answer is no, well… you’re a lucky duck!
As far as I am concerned, the answer is not only yes, it is very often.
Let’s rewind a bit and explore what I mean by being hijacked.
When I say someone hijacked me, I mean someone pushed my buttons and messed with my head for no apparent reason. If I am somewhere doing my own thing alone or in a group setting, day is going fine… Suddenly I feel upset and have to stop and think about what just happened.
I was doing great before that person started…
How did my feelings change so quick?
It’s like going for a walk on a nice day and being hit by thunderstorm when the forecast was just calling for a sunny day. I did not see that coming.
How did things go south so fast?
Those times when you want to tell the person who is “attacking” you… What the…
What’s your problem anyway? What do you want me to do?
That’s when you realize you lost your temper and you are not even sure why…
You’ve just been HIJACKED!
The ones who hijack me on a regular basis are my own children. Like if their mission was to test my limits and challenge the boundaries… as often as they could. Their intention is not to hurt me, they just have moments when they have difficulties controlling their emotions.
So instead of working it out on their own, well as generous as they are, they want to share their frustration and make it known that they are not having a good time.
Something is bothering them so even if it has nothing to do with you… it should bother you too!
Totally fair… for the hijacker. Not so cool on the receiving end.
Other times, you have people who hijack you for diverse reasons with the intention to hurt you though, and that is not cool at all.
It is well known that words can hurt more than hits. So it is important to know how to protect yourself.
A few weeks ago, I took a self-defense class and after learning some great tricks, I started wondering if there was something out there for mental self-defense… meaning a way to protect yourself from non physical threats. Protect yourself particularly from the ones who negatively push your buttons.
Doing or saying things just for the purpose of seeing you lose your temper… It can happen more often than you realize.
Thinking about it, there is actually that book I read a while back entitled The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense from Suzette Haden Elgin, where she details specific strategies to help respond effectively to many types of verbal attack. On the back cover, you can read “this book is a manual to teach you verbal judo.”
I love martial arts!
If you are a bit interested in martial arts, you know that they can be practiced through several forms. Most importantly, they foster self-conscience and calmness. With martial arts you develop mental strength and discipline.
“The ultimate aim of karate lies not in victory nor defeat, but in the perfection of the character of its participants.” – Gichin Funakoshi
I was first introduced to martial arts through karate, which I didn’t start until I got to university really. I had chosen the path of track and field and stuck with it for nearly 10 years.
I practiced karate on and off so never really developed my abilities nor my potential.
Then after my first baby, I started kickboxing and fell in love with it. Still enjoying it!
Martial arts contribute to emotional well-being and are one of the greatest way to learn discipline and self-control. That quiet inner force, not ostentatious, not bragging, not provoking… just there ready to be activated when needed.
I believe the best thing you can do to be or stay the boss of your mind is keeping your emotions in check. Not letting other people determine how you are going to feel on any given day.
Aristotle said it best: “SELF-CONTROL : what lies in our power to do, it lies in our power not to do.”
So easy to let off steam on someone, much harder to stay in control of your emotions.
FOCUS is key.
What’s in it for the longer term?
The other thing is not doing things according to someone else’s plan or schedule.
Here is below a good practice in five steps to keep in mind and develop like a muscle if you are ever being hijacked (the more you do it, the quicker you’ll get through the exercise).
1. PAUSE. Take a deep breath or count to three
2. EVALUATE. Identify what is going on at that moment
3. SPECULATE. Ask yourself if things will go south if you flip out. What could happen?
4. DECIDE. Is it really worth it?
5. ACT. What can you do then to stay the boss of your mind? Make sure you feel good about your decision.
And know that it is not always about you… Some people who can’t handle their stress try to transfer it to others, including you… Try your best to not systematically take it personal.
In those moments, respond with control using these five steps for instance… don’t react.
Because if you’re not the boss of your mind, someone else will.
However, no need to make a big deal out of things that are out of your control… Try to stay grounded and deal appropriately with these type of “distractions”.
On a personal level, having a blog and writing content for it is like having my own column. The big difference is the freedom I have to write about whatever I want, whenever I want, however I want. FREEDOM… a great feeling I have when I ride my motorcycle too.
I am open to suggestions, however if people try to impose their own agenda or topics I have no interest to cover… STOP!
No, I do not fit the stereotype or the box some people may have decided they were going to put me in.
No, I don’t do things to please people.
Yes, I work hard to protect my calmness and feed the good wolf – staying calm gives me independence and peace of mind.
Yes, I still get hijacked and have to deal with it on a case by case.
What I have learned by now is that, sometimes, we just hijack ourselves. So to save time and sweat… To be the boss of your mind… Keep the PEACE!
Egoless and maintain an
Awareness of what’s going on to
And if that doesn’t work… you can always mentally introduce the hijackers to brother finger!
Be the boss of your mind! So a word to the wise.
What about you… Care to share what you do to be the boss of your mind? Please comment.
Au revoir for now.